I have been a scrooge during the Christmas holidays for several years now. One would think, if you know me, that this year would not be the exception. 2009 has definitely been the toughest year of my life. I lost my dog of fifteen years, then three weeks later my dad died. Eleven weeks after that my son died. Four weeks after that I lost my brother-in-law. In one year, I became the patriarch of my family, was thrown into being an empty nester a year too soon and in a way that no parent wants to be an empty nester. Needless to say, it has been a tough year. Yet, in the strangest of ways, I have been more thankful this year than ever. If there is advice that I can share with you, it would be this: Life is too short and this life, that is so short, is not the life we should live for. The life to come is what we should live for. With that in mind, learn to live in the present. Scripture tells us we should not worry about tomorrow because today has enough problems of its own. Live in the now because you might not have later. I usually did a good job of that with Gabe. I always took time with him - be it going to a midnight showing of some movie that he wanted to see or staying up all night to watch 24 episodes of Smallville. I am thankful for those moments. So, learn to live in the present.

Second, don’t spend so much time being stressed about things that should not stress you. I wish I could say that I did a good job of that, but I didn’t. I have small regrets, not ones I lose sleep over, but just small regrets. I always worked hard to get colleges to look at my son. I wanted him to have that same passion and needless to say, that as a teenager, he did not always have that same passion. I would get frustrated and tell him that I was going to quit helping. I never did, so I am thankful for that, but I wish I had never told him that. It is so small now. Always tell your family and friends you love them, regardless if you are mad at them or not. We have always done this in my family and I am so glad. The last words my son ever heard me say and the last words I ever heard him say were “I love you.” Another thing I would recommend is to cherish the friends that walk the road of life with you. In many ways, they are more of my family than those that are of my kin. Why? Well because in my case, they are Christian friends and I will spend eternity with them. I don’t have that promise of all my blood kin. I’m just saying.

Third, appreciate God’s creativity and allow God to use it to speak the volumes of love He has for you into your life. I love the ocean because it always reminds me of the vastness of God. I love the mountains and everytime I see a clearing on top of a mountain, I see Gabe waving his hands and telling me it is okay. He also tells me that heaven is better than I could ever imagine. Watch an orchestra and be amazed at the incredible sound that comes from several violins playing in unison one big beautiful sound of music. Take time for silence and solitude. It is there that you will often find the voice of God so loudly. Share with others how you really feel about them because you are not promised tomorrow to share it with them. Don’t ever be afraid to love. Make yourself vulnerable with others. It is true that you may get hurt, but the pain of having never truly loved would be worse than to love and be hurt. Serve an audience of one! He is who you will answer to. And finally, journal occasionally. Without journaling I could not have written these things. To all who read this blog, I say thank you. To all who pray for me, thank you. And to all who heed the thoughts and words of this blog, make sure you take time to thank God for taking me on this journey so that I could share with you. Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say Rejoice. Today, I rejoice!

No Regrets!

Chris

Do you believe in the goodness of God? This subject is something that I have really been wrestling with. In my head, I can agree that God is good all the time and all the time God is good, but do I really believe that? The honest answer is not always. Sometimes I feel cheated by God. This feeling of being cheated is what keeps me from abondoning all of self in my life. Think about it and you will probably agree this lack of believing in God's goodness is in your life too. Think of some habitual sin you have in your life. What keeps you from giving it up? Do you feel that you are somehow being cheated by God, so you keep a little something for yourself instead of totally trusting in the goodness of God? I know I am guilty of using God when I am in a predicament and after things seem to return to normal, I am quick to my own options open. Yet even as I write this, I think about this: If I can get past my self and truly believe and trust in the whole goodness of God then I believe I will be able to surrender to Him without reservation and I will thirst for more of my God. Make no mistakes about it, God is good! We just need to start fully believing in the goodness of God.

My wife and I have dreaded this day for nearly four months. Today is Gabe's birthday and we have heard that when you lose a child, birthdays and Christmas are the hardest days. Well, for us, today has not been the hardest of days. Our prayer before going to bed last night was simple: God, be enough in our lives and let us celebrate the life of our son as opposed to just grieving our loss. I am in awe of God and want to share with you that He is enough! Today, we celebrated Gabe's life. We went to breakfast, which is something we have always done on his birthday. We celebrated his birthday with cake, family and friends, which is something we have always done on his birthday. Something new that we added was dancing. My wife and I went to the cemetery early to have some time alone before family and friends came. We cried. We hugged each other and we danced. One of our prayers is that we not just ask that the storm pass us by, but rather that we learn to dance in the midst of the storm. We went to dinner, as we would usually do with his birthday. And now, at the end of this day, my wife and I can say that on this day God is enough! Thank you Father, for loving us. You are the common bond that ties us to our son. To you we give praise, honor and glory. Thank you for being enough!

It has been nearly four months since we lost our son in a car accident. Today, October 31, would have been his 18th birthday. I had planned on having a ceremony to recognize such an important year in a young man's life. One of the things I planned on doing was updating him on how well he was doing in becoming a man. When Gabe was 13, I took him on his first ceremony that initiated his journey into manhood. I shared 13 characteristics of what the Bible teaches is truly a man. I explained that over the next several years I would expect him to look for ways to incorporate these characteristics into his life. I can say today, that he did a fantastic job of becoming a man. One of the most amazing things about Gabe was his chivalry that he showed to many around him. Simple things such as opening the door for others, especially females. If for some reason, I was not around, he would open the car door for his mom. He did an exceptional job of taking car of his mom. He was respectful. He read his Bible on a regular basis. He prayed for others, especially his family. He served in our church. He was doing a great job of becoming a man. Truth be told, he was what I always wished I would have been especially at his age. I learned much more from Gabe then I believe that I ever taught him. It was a privilege to be his dad. And since I can't share this update with him this year, I thought I would simply share it with others. I am constantly reminded by others how great of a young man Gabe was. Thank you for sharing that with me. I am thankful to God for allowing Judy and I to be his parents. I am thankful to God that Gabe was the young man he was. Please take time on what would have been Gabe's 18th birthday to thank God and to give Him praise, honor and glory. Gabe was the young man he was to the glory of God. Thank you for letting me share with you.

No Regrets!

Chris

Intentional Parenting. This is a phrase that you might hear around RSC from time to time. It is a reminder that as parents we should be intentional in raising our children according to God's word. A popular belief in our society today is that we should allow our children to be free to adopt whatever values they feel are right for them. Deuteronomy 6:7 contradicts that belief. "You shall teach them (law of the Lord) diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." So, if you shirk your responsibility in being intentional when it comes to parenting, you violating what God clearly tells you to do as parents.

Since we did not meet this past week, I wanted to give a few notes/reminders of what we have covered the last two weeks. Here they are:

-Pain is a natural part of the parenting process in our fallen society.

-God equips up to meet all the challenges of parenting.

-The long term relationship in the family is the marriage.

-A child is a gift for his or her parents to love and nurture TO THE END THAT GOD MAY BE GLORIFIED!

-God does not intend for the parents to do all the teaching; we are to learn from our children too.

-God's word is the most stable foundation you can build your home on. The Bible is a reliable instruction manual for raising kids.

Judy and I look forward to seeing next Sunday night.


No regrets!

Chris

Have you ever found it hard to love God? Certainly, since losing my son, my dad, and my brother-in-law it has been hard to love God. I try to love Him because I know I should, but I want to love Him because, well, I love Him. Why is it so hard? Is it because I have experienced loss? Is because I am hurt and I am trying to find some purpose in the death of those I love? Some of you would say it makes perfect since for me to feel this way because of the tragic events in my life over this past year. There have been times where I just want to rebel against God as to somehow punish him because of the bad that has been brought on my life. Others of you might find that hard to believe. Would you believe this then: There are days that I don't feel like loving God. I wish I could see the looks on some of your faces now. But here is the crux of the matter: Why is it hard to love God? I think it is hard because we tend to forget who God really is sometimes. I have realized over the last few weeks that I often made my son, my own god. I did not mean to do that, but Gabe always made sense of my world. It did not matter how tough life could be, how tough marriage may be, how tough pastoring a church may be. As long as I had Gabe, my son, my world made sense. I had purpose because I was a father and I don't say this arrogantly, but I was a good father. But Gabe is not God. Loss makes you reevaluate things in your life. Without loss you may not have ever seen these things so clearly. My son died and I trust that to be part of God's plan. I do not think God just took Gabe. Psalm 139 tells us his days were already numbered before he was ever born. I believe that to be true. But because of the loss in my life, I have felt completely stripped of me. I have felt abandoned by God, but the reason I have felt abandoned is because I forgot who God is. My God is a jealous god and I am glad that He is. He uses such things as loss to remind us of who He really is. When you focus in on who God truly is, then you will find that it is not hard to love God. It is only hard when we forget. Stop what you are doing right now, fall on your face before God, be still and know that He is God. Then, and only then, you will find that it is not hard to love God.

Labels: Gabe Brewer, God, Grief

My wife and I recently went to Lake Lure, NC with some friends for the weekend. We were swimming in the lake when I decided to go out a little farther in the water. As I did, my wife and other friends were talking about 20-30 yards away. I was looking on the other side of the lake and the beautiful mountain that was across the way. As I scanned the mountain top, I noticed a small clearing on top of the mountain. Immediately, I imagined that Gabe, my son who was killed in an auto accident recently, was jumping up and down on that clearing and he was saying, "Dad, I am over here." Immediately, I began to tear up. Then I began to cry. My first emotion in that moment was anger with God. Since Gabe was born, I had worried that one day I might lose him. I prayed nearly every day about it. So, in that moment, I spoke audibly to God saying, "Damn you God." "Damn you!" Now, you must know that I am not one to cuss. Saying cuss words is not one of my many issues, but in that moment it was what I felt, and I felt it from deep within. Just because I know that some who read this may be offended, I must remind you that God knows our thoughts before we ever say them. And, honestly, my God is big enough to hear my heart. Back to what was happening. After cussing God, my eyes immediately returned to the clearing and again I imagined Gabe jumping up and down and waving his arms as if to get my attention. Only this time he had something different to say. This time he said, "I'm okay dad and it's okay. It is everything you said it would be and much, much more! You were right dad. You cannot imagine what it is like here." At that moment, my tears of pain turned into tears of praise. I again spoke audibly to God and said, "Thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you for my son. Thank you for allowing me to be his father. Thank you for reminding me that Gabe is where he should be and I am the one who is out of place. I love you God and I thank you." I realized something in that moment. I am the alien. I am the one out of place, living in a world that is not my home. Sometimes I have to be reminded of this truth. I was very honest with God about my feelings and God reminded me of His truth. I am thankful for my God. I am thankful that the One I cuss is also the One I cry out to. I am thankful that He is God and I am not!